Thursday, February 19, 2009

sleepless nights and a little boy.

Monday was a sleepless night for me.
I layed down at 12:00 and was up at 3:00am.
Wide awake.
Ready to talk.
Go to work.
Whatever...anything but continue laying in bed.
I showered at 4:00.
Thought maybe I could go to sleep after I showered.
Got out of bed again at 5:30am.
Got ready and went to work.

While laying there I was having daydreams...or "night-dreams"
about the sweet little baby boy who is about to rock my
world in less than 5 months!

His beautiful lips that look just like his momma's.
His sweet little hands that I pray will grow to help and serve people.
His little head that I can't wait to rub.
His little cheeks that I can't wait to kiss.
His little ears and the twists and turns of them.
His cute little button nose that is perfectly planted on his precious face.
His arms and legs that will probably be long like his daddy's.
His round little belly that I can't wait to tickle.
I am truly and simply smitten by this little boy.

All these thoughts lead me to pray for specific things in his life.
Praying over him from head to toe.
After finding out he is a boy I feel a bond with him
that hadn't really happened yet.

The past two days have been filled with tears.
I am overwhelmed with love for this child.
Yesterday morning on my way to work,
I was listening to a praise and worship lullaby CD.
I listen to it when it's just me and him...
One of them is called You are Good. (it's actually on my music player)
It talks about God's goodness no matter what is happening
in our lives.
And how we don't have anything to offer Him
but a love song. To tell you I'm grateful for holding
my life in your hands.
It makes me think about God's goodness for us.
And how he really does hold us in His hands.
How he gives us what we need when we need it.

You can ask Alan...
I was so sad and shocked the night we found out we were pregnant.
While I "knew" that it was God's plan for us and that He would
provide for us...I was still so upset.
As I was talking to Alan...these thoughts came out of mouth.
It won't be just me and you anymore.
We don't even have a house.
How could this have happened? Now?
This is just great. Happy Birthday to me.
I wanted to be married for 5 years.
I'm not ready for this.

Boy was I wrong that night.

As each day goes by...
and the excitement continues to grow...
I can't imagine our lives any different.
The way Alan and I have grown in our marriage.
How we are literally waiting and expecting a miracle with our house.
The way my thoughts are more Christ-focused.
The absolute love I have for this child.
I think I am even more sensitive to others now.

He is definitely good all the time!
And he gives us what we need when we need it!
I can't wait to meet our little baby boy.
Our little Rowan Alan.


Tina G said...

Hollie, that is probably one of the most beautiful things I have ever read!! I can tell you that those thoughts and words have come out of most every mom's mouth I know! That boy is going to rock your world!! My Josey is precious but there is something different about a boy's love for his mama... can't wait for you to experience that! Sooooo Awesome!

Chris, Lauren and Gage said...

There are no words for me to write back to you right now...except...I can't wait! There is NOTHING like it! Every time I see, hear, think about, or touch Gage my heart is in total awe of him and even more so of God! Don't take one single second for granted...more than anything right now I am excited that we get to walk this road together- like always- side by side- BFF!

SOOOO looking foward to next weekend!

Cathryn said...

Awww, Frank and I had the 5 year plan too, and Jacob was born when we were married 4 years! And I didn't want to have a baby until I had my own house to bring him home to...and God gave us a house when he was 5 months old. I'm so glad that you are having a precious little boy who will love his mama like you have never been loved before! (and I know that he and Gage will be bestest buddies like their mamas!) I'm so excited for you!

hbcbates said...

As I wipe tears from my eyes from just reading what could possibly be the most beautiful love story I've ever read I want to tell you I miss my friend and thank God for the blessings he's POURED out on you and your family already and for the one's to come. I love you Hollie!

Andrea said...

Wow Hollie, reading your blog is awesome. You are going to be the most fabulous mom ever. You really have a way with words. I hope that everything works out for you and Alan with getting your home sold and buying another very soon.

Andrea Fuller

Elizabeth H. said...

What a wonderful post! You are going to be an incredible mom - Rowan is a lucky little boy to have you!

I love his sweet little name!