Monday, February 1, 2010

it's quiet...

in the house.
but not in my mind.
both boys are asleep.
i will join them soon.

just sitting here for a minute...
listening to the music on my blog.

i stand amazed...
there is none like you...
and tell me I am your own...

so what i needed to hear.

Tonight Rowan fell asleep in my arms.
Those are the moments I just cherish.
I want to freeze time.

Every night before I put Rowan in his crib...
I take him to wherever Alan is so Alan can kiss him
Tonight Alan kissed Rowan.
Then he kissed me.
And said "Thank you for being such a good momma".
Gosh, I love that man.
Even though I hardly feel like one.

During January, I got some things straight.
I needed to ask and seek forgiveness from some people.
And I did.
The replies offered peace and relief except for one...
And it left me filled with questions.
But I did what God wanted me to do.
The end. 

Life is a balancing act.
I knew it was before I had Rowan...
but that was a joke compared to now.

Some people never cease to amaze me.

In February, I am working on overcoming some insecurities I have.

I am trusting that God has something big in store for our family.
As He has us in a holding pattern.
Trying to rest in Him.
Trying to trust in Him.
Trying to be content.
Will I ever get it?

Rowan is the greatest joy.
The smiles, the laughter, his sweet face, and curious gestures.
He is so inquisitive.
Still can't believe he is ours.

I take life so for granted.
I spend way too much time comparing myself to others.
Why can I not be satisfied?
Why do I constantly ask myself this?
Guess it goes back to trying to be content...

I wish I had more time for blogging...
but lately it is not a priority.
I have even thought about stopping it altogether.
And I am seriously considering deleting my Facebook.
Gotta get back to the basics...

Ok, enough rambling...gotta go to bed...


steph said...

Hey girly..... loved the post. sounds like you live on my street in crazyville :)
Miss having little babies some days...miss seeing you....
took a Facebook sabbatical....needed more face time with people whose faces I love! :).....want to learn how to make something yummy and you're good inspiration. Post something pretty and delicious.....BTW- you are the best Mama Rowan has or will ever have! Love you!

Maggie said...

good to hear Jesus is pulling you out of the funk. I too feel as if I'm finally rising out of the funk. Jesus is good. love you sister

Tina said...

Loved that post... your blogs are always right on time for me!! Once I can writed down my friends' email addresses my facebook is outa here too. I agree with Steph 100%.

anythingbutperfect said...

Your where every mama finds themselves...I just bought Beth Moore's new book about Insecurity...we should read it together and do a long distance book chat! That would be very beneficial for me! Its always great to hear from other mamas who don't feel like they got it together!We should seriously catch up...SOON! Some days I think I could balance better on a tightrope fifty feet off the ground than in my personal world of mommyhood! :) Thanks for sharing your heart!!! Love ya!