Giving thanks for...

my husband.

our sweet baby boy.

my family.

my friends.

our jobs.

our apartment.

our cars.

our health.

our access to healthcare.

our freedom.

the U.S. of A!

food on our table.

clean water to take a bath.

glasses and contacts to help me see.

warmth on winter nights.

cool air on summer days.

clothes on our backs and in our closets.

our nice cozy bed.

emotions and passions.

laughter and joy.

the beauty of the Earth.

God's GRACE in abundance.

God's many, many blessings.

A.R.

As in Acid Reflux.

So I felt like Rowan has been especially fussy here lately.
He has been spitting up since he was 3 days old, but
here lately it has been much more frequent.
He was having difficulty nursing.
Some days he was totally not interested in eating.
I could hear his stomach rumbling around at feeding time.
He wasn't taking good naps.
Evenings around here were hard because Rowan is
inconsolable due to tummy troubles.
He even looked smaller to me.

I knew something wasn't right...

On Monday as I was reading Babywise it was confirmed
that Rowan may have AR.
There is a chapter in the book that talks about stomach issues.
I was reading scenarios of several different children.
One of them was about a little boy named Asher.
And well, he and Rowan could be twins.


So I text Alan really quick to tell him I am calling Rowan's
peditrician to ask what we should do, etc.
We take Rowan to see Dr. Smith on Tuesday morning.
He says "Yes, that is acid reflux and we need to go ahead and
start treating him."
He also explained that all the above problems are because of the reflux issue.
We also found out that Rowan only weighs 12 pounds, 4 ozs.
He should weigh at least 13 pounds, 8 ozs. according to Dr. Smith.
Poor baby hasn't been keeping enough down to gain weight.

Now we are on Zantac twice a day.
We go back to see Dr. Smith next week.
I'm praying for relief for Rowan and some weight gain too.
Pray with me please!

Operation Christmas Child

Alan and I saw this video at church a few Sundays ago...

and it brought us both to tears.

It is so amazing what these simple-to-us shoe boxes

can mean to a precious child!

We couldn't wait to go out and fill up some boxes!

We put together a boy box...

and a girl box.

And we had a ball!

If you haven't already made a box (or two) I encourage you to do so!

Details can be found here.

God is using this ministry to reach children

all around the world for Him!

What an awesome way to start the holidays off!

oh what a day!

yes, that's me. on my "birth"day!

Today was a fabulous day!
I really can't believe I am 28!!!

Alan took the day off to spend with me!
I got to sleep until 9:00.
Opened my cards and presents. Sweet!
Got lots of birthday phone calls! :)
Some that made me laugh out loud!
We went to Chick-fil-a for lunch.
We went to Publix, Walgreens, and CVS for
my couponing deals. (More on that later).
We looked at a house.
We went to Mikata's in Macon. YUM!
Then we took Rowan to see Santa at Bass Pro Shops!

Nothing spectacular, but totally wonderful!

I am so thankful for the life God has blessed me with!
28 is gonna be great!

one year ago today...

We found out Rowan was on the way!!!

I remember feeling shocked, overwhelmed,
and in awe of God's goodness.

I wondered if it was gonna be a girl or a boy.
(Boy, obviously)

I wondered what he or she would look like.

(Never would have imagined a baby so beautiful.)

I wondered what it would feel like to have
a baby moving around inside me.

(Very, very cool, sometimes uncomfortable)

I wondered what labor would feel like.

(Ouch, ouch, ouch and ouch!!!)

I wondered what it would be like
to be a mother.

And now I know.

It's a love and joy that is indescribable.

Thank you God for our sweet baby boy!

You have so richly blessed our lives
by giving us Rowan!

I couldn't imagine life without him.
We love you sweet Rowan!

i-could-eat-him-with-a-spoon

I can't get enough of this chubby little face.

His cheeks.

His lips.

His fuzzy, crazy hair.

His sweet baby smell.

can't believe...

we are having 4 month pictures done tomorrow!

my man!

ain't he cute!

the fog is lifting...

my precious boy!

So, now that I am actually feeling better about

life I feel like I can share what has been going on...

Immediately after I had Rowan I was on cloud 225...

so in love...

in awe...

and overwhelmed with this beautiful baby boy God had given us.

I felt like this for about two weeks.

And then...

I fell from cloud 225 to cloud -225.

While I was still in love,

in awe,

and overwhelmed I became

some other not-so-pleasant things too...

I cried all the time.

I never wanted to be alone.

But I felt all alone. Like no one had ever felt like this before.

I stopped laughing.

I had thoughts like...

What were we thinking?

What was God thinking?

I so wasn't ready for all this.

Why in the world would anyone do this to themselves more than once?

My life is over.

Our life is over.

Will it ever be any easier?

I just can't do this.

I miss the simple times.

I just don't have what it takes.

I just need a break. from everything.

I want to get away from this baby.

I became very hard to live with.

I wanted Alan close by physically, but I pushed him away emotionally.

I was anxious.

Stressed.

And very easily frustrated. By anything, and anyone.

I started to resent Alan for enjoying things.

I just became a hot mess.

I don't know if it was postpartum depression.

I don't know if it was hormones.
I don't know if it was normal.
I don't know if it was a combination of hormones and normal.

But I hated it.

Oh, it was horrible.
Terrible.
Awful.

I hated myself like that.

I am so glad the fog is lifting...

I am feeling like me again.
I am feeling like life is so much better with Rowan.
Like our life is just beginning...
I am laughing again.
Alot actually. At myself. Because I act so dumb sometimes.
I am hugging (and kissing) my hubby again.
I cherish my off days with my little man.
And miss my boys like crazy while I am at work.
I am stressing less and anxious less.
I hope I am easier to live with...Alan will need to vouch for that.
I can now think about having another one...down the road of course.
I have accepted that we can still go and do...it might just take longer.
I am sooo thankful that God chose us to be Rowan's parents.

And, now, I can't imagine it any other way!

P.S. Please don't feel like I am horrible!

tonight...

it was the simple things...

coming home to my boys.
bath time.
nursing my sweet boy!
bedtime with no tears! yay!
straightening up.
unloading the dishwasher.
loading the dishwasher.
peeking on my sweet boy as he sleeps in
his crib.
washing bottles and pump parts.
making pimento cheese.
burning my autumn wreath candle.
really, really cold diet sprite.
folding Rowan's itty-bitty clothes.
facebook time.
blog time.
anticipating the sweet reunion of good
friends tomorrow.
and soon bedtime!

and I enjoyed every minute of it!

my favorite...

two boys!

My how I have grown...

One month!

Two months!

Three months!


And everyday we love you more sweet boy!

Rowan would like to say...

"I'm so proud of my Aunt Paige!"

And I am so proud of my older sister.
A commitee at her school voted her "Teacher of the Year"!
She is also a student again herself.
She is working towards getting her Masters degree.
I don't know how she juggles being a mom,
a wife, a teacher and a student.
Not to mention all the things she is involved in at church.

But she does it well!

Way to go Paige!

We love you!

We had the perfect outfit to take a picture for Paige!

Her school colors are red and baby blue!