The birthday blog.

Forgot to mention this...

Back in October, Rowan's birthday party was featured on The Birthday Blog.

Thanks Stacy!

thank you God for...

sending your precious son to die for us.

Alan.

Rowan.

our home.

our church.

our friends.

our country.

our mommas, daddys, sisters, grandparents, nephews, etc.

our health.

Your provision. mercy. grace. love. long-suffering.

clean water and too much food.

We are so blessed!

Happy Thanksgiving!

The precious picture is by the fabulous Two Chics.



29 and feeling fine?

disclaimer: i wrote this, not as a sob story, but as a testimony of what God is doing in my life.
not because of where i have been, but where i am going.
as an explanation of the sparse, surfacy posts that have sprinkled my blog over the past year.
and maybe, just maybe, there is someone out there who needs this.
(and p.s. not for belated happy birthday wishes).

wednesday was my birthday.

i turned 29.

and i am, oh, so glad 28 is over.

honestly, 28 was a really hard year for me.
i have struggled with postpartum depression.
i have never felt so alone.
i have struggled with probably the lowest self-esteem E-V-E-R. in my life.
i have been very hard to love.
i have struggled with anger and resentment.
as a result of the above, our marriage has struggled.
i have been a very bad friend, wife, sister, daughter...well, you get the picture.
and, yes, i have even thought about taking my own life.

i have, so many times, wanted to sit down and write about what I have been going through...
but some things have always stopped me.
pride, not wanting to admit that I am not perfect, and neither is my life.
the feeling that "so many people have way bigger/more serious problems than me".
thoughts like "no one will understand", "they will think i am crazy", "i should just be thankful
that not only do I have a baby, he is healthy." "i need to just suck it up".
i have felt guilty because I have friends who are struggling with infertility.
not wanting to discourage anyone else.
trying to focus on the postive.
not wanting anyone to feel sorry for me.
listening to people tell me that my feelings were normal.

but yet, all these thoughts and feelings (and lies) have only further isolated me.
and made things even worse.

I went to the doctor.
I prayed about it.
Begged God to take it away.
Begged God to never let me feel this way ever again.
Considered getting counseling.
I took an anti-depressant for a while.

While I wouldn't say I am "healed"...
I would say things are SO much better.
And yes, I realize that some of this was hormone related. 
I am still working through some of the things I mentioned above.
But I feel like another part of me getting better is finally admitting to you, my friends and family,
that I am sooooo not perfect. Which you all knew already. :) haha.
And all this has been hiding behind the "we are doing greats." and "I am doing fines."

I so struggle with being a perfectionist.
But in the worst way.
I hate it about myself.
Really. hate. it.
I always want things to be cleaner. better. prettier. bigger. more creative. etc.
I have a hard time being still, relaxing, and enjoying myself because of it.
I obsess about things that have, not one ounce, of eternal value.
Perfectionism is a happiness killer and a joy stealer.
For me it is a sin, because it seperates me from Him.
And it has wreaked havoc on my life since becoming a mom.

Satan has totally had a stronghold on my messed-up life.

And I am tired. of. it.

i want to be better free.

i want to be real.

i want to come clean before you...like i have done before Him.

Christ was/is perfect for me.

And now...Hello 29!!! It's so nice to see you!

Turnip Green Soup Recipe

TURNIP GREEN SOUP

2 packages (10 ounces each) Turnip Greens (I use frozen without the turnips)

1 package Knorr vegetable soup mix

1 can (about 15 ounces) northern beans

1 can (about 15 ounces) navy beans

1 small onion, chopped

5 cups chicken broth

1 pound smoked sausage, sliced thin (I use turkey kielbasa. It makes it healthier)

1 teaspoon hot sauce

1 teaspoon garlic powder

Salt and pepper to taste

Tony's seasoning to taste

Combine all ingredients in soup pot.

Bring to a boil; reduce heat to a simmer.

Cook until sausage is done.

Serve with cornbread.

I always brown my sausage and onion together in a different skillet.

Then I add it to the pot. You know just to speed things up a bit.

I hope y'all LOVE it as much as we do!

ornaments.

I am already getting in the Christmas spirit.

I am just so excited to have a new house to decorate this year!

When we were growing up mom gave

us an ornament every Christmas.

It is one of our many family traditions.

We used to all dig through the boxes to find "our" ornaments.

She still gives us all an ornament and the grandkids too!

So I said all that to say that I am continuing the tradition for Rowan.

Here are some of the cute ones I found on Etsy!

I love anything monogrammed/personalized!

These are my favorites!

Which one do you like best?

And aren't these dish towels just so adorable!

That little Christmas tree would be precious on a little girls shirt!

Rowan's One Year Pictures

I can't believe Rowan is a couple of weeks away from being 16 months old.

My how time flies!

We took these taken back in August, a few days shy of Rowan turning 13 months old.

It was HOT. Oh, so HOT.  It was 9:00 in the morning and I was pouring sweat!

Thanks to Alicia at Alicia McDonald Photography for once again doing

 such a wonderful job capturing the personality of our sweet, big boy!

fall mini-session sneak peek!

                        You can see a precious picture of Rowan on the Two Chics Photography blog.

Scroll down. He is number 18!